The mommy mommy part.

There's this little part of him that wasn't there before.
The "mommy mommy" part.
He just never had that before and I love it so much.
The thought of losing it scares me more than anything.
I think about the possibility of "losing this" every time we gain anything new now...

Aiden says "mommy mommy I made a pwengwin" and my heart just feels so big.

The thought of one wrong move taking the connection away- a vaccination, a food, a medication, the wrong place- the wrong time-

I think about EVERYTHING being possibly toxic now- the exterminator- the paint- the detergent- everything.

The Fazoli's Incident...

This past week I met up with my mom and a friend at a local Fazoli's restaurant.

We had several kids with us, one baby, two toddlers, and Skye.

Long story short-

There was a MUCH older couple sitting in a booth across from us.

The man of the couple kept making random comments about Aiden, loud enough for us to hear.

He twice said "What the hell's wrong with that kid?"

Aiden had been lining up the booster seats and standing up and sitting down and standing up and sitting down...

Finally, after the second or third comment, I asked the man if he had a question.

He just looked at me and said something to the extent of "no one can eat with your kid around"

I said some things... I can't remember exactly what... but it basically involved "this is a free country and this is a restaurant geared towards children, hence the booster seats and coloring books you see all around you."

He pick his hand up and make a "shooing away" motion.

I could tell his wife was irritated with him, and I am sure he got an earful from her too, but I just sat and debated myself for so long after leaving as to whether I should ever or NOT ever say anything in those situations.

On one hand I would NEVER say something negative loud enough so that a CHILD could hear... but on the other hand, I DO understand that this man was ignorant of our situation.

Regardless, he invited a discussion by repeatedly making his comments louder.

I wonder if he was WANTING a confrontation or if he thought he was somehow being HELPFUL?

The day before the first day of the rest of your life...

I shouldn't even be writing this.

My thoughts are not in any kind of sensible order yet.

I feel like I'm holding my breath,
tiptoeing around,
where everything looks exactly the same,
but I just know deep down that nothing is.

Aiden is still my Aiden, my baby boy, my ball of energy, my sunshine.

I guess it's all going to be in retrospect.
If he IS Aiden with..autism..then he might have always been.

There are just too many questions to list, so I'm not even going to try.

I'll just say that this place feels so strangely calm.

How bizarre to feel relief at the thought of having a word for him.

A platform to dive off of.

Not that the word even really matters,
it just feels almost close to 'good'.....like someone from out there just reached in and distracted us for enough of a moment to be able to look at it all from the other side for the first time.